What changed?

I have been a professional for 10 years and 6 months. I vividly remembered how excited I was being part of a company and in the workforce. Driven, excited, hungry to better myself everyday. Been through different career paths, SME, Trainer, a Team Leader and even an Operations Manager. I've come a long way in my career, working up the corporate ladder and dealing with different problems. Then, the Program or account that I've been working in closed. I was redeployed, which means I was waiting to be placed to another program. The recruiter was able to place me in a Work from Home program dealing with different cultures, policies, etc. I felt like I was new to the role, all my progress and expertise gone. Ever since then, I doubted myself if I'm fit for the role that I am in or was just lucky to be promoted all these years. The situation and environment made me unsure of myself and my confidence started to go down. It affected how I deal with people, my family but most importantly the love of my life. I reached out to my previous manager to check if there are any programs hiring for an Operations Manager so that I can go back onsite and get that groove back. Upon reaching out, he offered me a promotion. This promotion involves fixing a lot of things in the program that I'll be in. Thinking that this is a welcome challenge, I accepted it. I started in the new program this May and ever since starting, my expectation was I'll be better, I'll grow, this is what I was asking for but eventually I realized that I was too comfortable when I was working at home. Work problems started to become more difficult, I was starting to be shy and as much as possible didn't want to reach out to people who can help me out with my problems. I was trying to solve it all on my own. Now, I'm in a position where most of my work is ongoing, a lot of misses, I don't have my own ideas and thoughts, scared of getting fired but wanting to quit. I'm writing this down to help me cope with what I'm feeling. I made my partner cry because I told her I wanted to quit. Just blurting that though out without thinking about her and how it will affect her. She's also stressed, tired and lacks sleep, I should've made a plan on how we can secure our future despite wanting to quit. It has been difficult, there were times where I thought about just ending it all because I can't sleep due to the endless thoughts about work that comes to mind when I lie down but seeing the love of my life cry because of me, made me realize that I need to be strong for the both of us. She's trying to keep her end of the bargain, I should also do my part.